they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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