I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Someone signed my nipple.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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