She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
There r osticjed everywhere
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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