I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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