Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
