Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
