y did u give ur computer a hand job?
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
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