I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
