Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
