So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
The beer is more important than you right now.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Vodka?
Forever.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
