my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
