I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
