I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
