i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
