Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
We named our party play list daddy issues
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
