I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I think people are normalizing furries
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
