there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
