I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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