Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
