her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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