youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
