i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
