the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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