I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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