Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
