Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
