you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
