4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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