In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Well I just put wine in my tea
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
