he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
