everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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