You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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