I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
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