shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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