I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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