with your own penis?
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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