I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Never underestimate the power of titties
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
