now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
