why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
