good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
