My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
