From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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