the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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