You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
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