well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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