If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
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