you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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