that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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