She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
