In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
