Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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