Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
How's work?
Spinning.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
