i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
