I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize