I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
