I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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