dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
it was like having sex with a tree stump
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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