Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Randomize
