I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
