I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Randomize
