You smell like stripper and shame
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
