3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
