Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Ketchup is God's man juice
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Randomize
