I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
