fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
