I smell stomach acid.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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