Sorry, I don't speak sober.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
